Not in a Billion Years
by lambiekins
Summary: Bella’s thoughts on Nessie’s first birthday; small drabble written upon request for a friend’s birthday. She wanted something fluffy—this is what I came up with. Breaking Dawn spoilers.


**Title:** Not in a Billion Years

**Author:** Lamb

**Rating:** G

**Summary:** Bella's thoughts on Nessie's first birthday; small drabble written upon request for a friend's birthday. She wanted something fluffy—this is what I came up with.

**Notes:** Breaking Dawn spoilers; Avoid if you haven't read.

* * *

I watched anxiously as Jacob and Nessie played—her little fingers wound in his hair, tugging gently—and I had to remind myself that I didn't care, but the changes scare me and the more she changes the closer she gets to him. Nessie is constantly changing every day, and I can't help but be _afraid_. She's no longer my _little nudger_—she's _'a big girl now, momma,'_ and I am going to have to realize it sooner or later. Today, Edward reminds me to be happy—be happy for the year I've had to love her, to have her in my life.

Edward doesn't like it, either. I could practically feel him glaring from behind me, his eyes locked on Jacob and Nessie. I couldn't help but giggle, turning on my heel.

"Mmm," I smiled, pressing my lips to his as I murmured teasingly. "And here I thought we had decided we weren't _bothered_ by the fact that Jacob has imprinted on our daughter, Mr. Cullen…"

Edward pouted against my lips; there was really no need to reply. If we were being perfectly honest, it made Edward feel anxious, too—he's just been the one who's attempted to keep me calm. He didn't like it, but he wasn't going to allow me to rip Jacob's arm off for it either… which was an exaggeration.

_Mostly_.

Nessie's birthday was an excuse for Alice to outdo herself, as usual. The main house was filled with pink tulle, carnations, and balloons; I felt like I'd fallen into some cotton candy-colored fantasy.

"Happy birthday, Princess," Esme called, reaching her arms out for Nessie.

Nessie practically ran to her, and suddenly that feeling was hitting me again. Nessie wasn't like a normal one-year-old—she could pass for a kindergartener in size—and the difference was hitting me hard. I was trying so hard not to want to fall apart. It doesn't feel _right_.

Soon, she isn't even going to need her _momma_ anymore.

I had to look away, glancing up at Edward with a frown, and he just frowns back. We've had this discussion before—_many_ times before. It takes a good, deep breath before I'm able to push the thoughts out of my head, before I can actually enjoy the party. I _have_ to enjoy the party—after all, you only get one _first_.

"Daddy?" Nessie calls, her voice coy and one hand behind her back.

"Yes, baby?" he replies, that sappy grin on his face.

He pulls her up into his arms, nuzzling the tip of his nose against hers as she reaches up to place a small tiara on his head. I wondered briefly if I had some sort of latent pyrokinetic power, but glaring at Jacob as he begins to cackle does absolutely nothing. _Damn_.

"_Princess_ Daddy!" she beams, quickly pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose.

Edward doesn't seem to notice Jacob's laughter, though—he's utterly enchanted with Nessie. She _has_ that effect on people… everyone she meets is instantly wrapped around her little finger, as if there's something special about her. She could melt even the coldest heart and turn Edward into a puddle with even the tiniest smile. Then again, I'm not quite sure I'd ever seen a child quite as beautiful as Renesmee, and Edward would agree—biased opinion or not.

But still, the party comes and goes, not without any minor breakdowns. Not without feeling my as though my heart would explode or if I could be capable of tears that I wouldn't have had to sneak off into the bathroom to break down. The party is just a reminder that my baby is growing up.

Nessie's curled up on the sofa now, fast asleep and dreaming. Sometimes I wonder how fair it is that the baby I fought so hard for was being taken from me so quickly. I never got the chance to really experience all those firsts, because it was a blink of an eye and Nessie was already talking, walking, and reading; but then, it's these circumstances that make Nessie who she is. Would I choose a _normal_ child over Nessie?

"What's on your mind, love?" Edward murmurs, wrapping his arms around me.

I glance up at him, carefully pulling the little crown from his hair, and stretch up onto my toes so I can reach him. Suddenly, all of those bad feelings are melting away.

"Nothing," I smile, pressing my lips to his.

Not in a billion years.


End file.
